Friendship Development

This page presents a more in-depth analysis of the dimensions of friendship development and social functioning in children with ADHD discussed in the overview Social Challenges for Students with ADHD. 

Friendship degradation mechanics

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

Conformity and normativity within peer groups

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

Rejection sensitivity

Many students with ADHD experience rejection sensitivity, which refers to a strong, painful emotional reaction to real or perceived rejection by others (Dodson 2016/HowToADHD). Rejection sensitive dysphoria, not yet recognized by the DSM, refers to persistent feelings of rejection sensitivity that negatively impact daily life (Bhandari 2020). RS/RSD may be inherent to a student's neurobiology but can be worsened by repeated rejection by peers. Students with RS/RSD may cry, throw tantrums, or withdraw from social interactions, all of which contribute to a seemingly self-fulfilling cycle of unacceptable social behaviors and resulting social rejection as a reaction to the child's behaviors; additionally, trauma from bullying or an unstable home life can exacerbate RS/RSD (Bhandari 2020). Lizzy Arnold writes:

At fist, neurotypical children may not understand the strong, visceral reactions that neurodivergent students may have to rejection and write their peers off as "weird" or "overly sensitive." It is important for educators to be aware of RS/RSD symptoms, to honestly and fairly address issues when they arise, and to consider how RS/RSD may be impacting a child in school social settings. It is also important to not place the onus entirely on the child being rejected but instead examine the act of rejection itself as something that could have been avoided or navigated better by the rejector. For specific tips on how to manage emotional dysfunction and rejection sensitivity, visit Interventions.

Differences in communication and body language

Children with ADHD exhibit differences in speech, communication, and body language from their neurotypical peers, and these differences vary from student to student depending on their individual personalities, backgrounds, and symptoms. In terms of speech and articulation, children with ADHD may stutter, stammer, or "produce more vocal repetitions or word fillers as they try to organize their thoughts;" they are typically slower to process oral language, quicker to interrupt or get off-topic, or miss details in conversations entirely, especially when conversing with more than one person at a time or while in a noisy environment (e.g., a classroom) (Bertin 2014). Peers may get frustrated with the child in question and exclude them from social situations, group projects, or games because of a perceived lack of communication skills. Additionally, children with ADHD's fidgeting behaviors and stimming (which help children with ADHD balance environmental stimuli) may prove annoying to their classmates and teachers, who may attempt to curb behaviors (e.g., foot tapping, hand flapping, humming) that they perceive as distracting to other children (Khan 2021). An ADHDer's inability to sit still or exercise control over their body movements due to executive functioning and neurochemical differences may put them at risk for social stigma and exclusion.

In terms of non-verbal communication and body language, Dr. Mark Bertin writes that for students with ADHD, "the ability to understand nonverbal language and social interactions as a whole is most likely intact. (Children with ADHD) recognize nonverbal communication for what it is, and understand basic rules of communication such as ‘wait your turn to reply,’" however due to high levels of impulsivity and inattention -- as well as potentially less practice with navigating social situations because of chronic bullying or social isolation -- they may be delayed in picking up on social cues or learning social rules, even if they understand them on paper (2014). This is what distinguishes children with ADHD from many children with autism, who may have an inherent difficulty grasping the neurotypical social world. 

The Interventions page on this site provides concrete strategies for helping children with ADHD communicate more effectively with peers, as well as vice-versa. Gentle visual or verbal cues from peers and/or a teacher might help with conversational engagement and self-monitoring behaviors for students with ADHD; providing stim toys and monitoring the sensory environment of the classroom (e.g., levels of light and sound) could potentially ameliorate the distractibility and sensory overload that often take place during noisy social situations. Friendship between neurodivergent students in a class may also be beneficial; in middle school, three of my closest friends either had ADHD or were autistic. Even though they might exhibit different symptoms, neurodivergent children tend to already have more empathy for one another and may find common ground, or "synchrony," in how they communicate and relate to the world (Denworth 2020).